Being a People Pleaser At Work is Costing You Your Health
Why You’re 3x More Likely to Suffer Burnout + Career Stalling
Find yourself having a hard time saying NO? Do you always take on more responsibilities than your job description? Do you find yourself working until the job is done to your satisfaction?
If it’s easy for you to do - do you always say yes? Do you feel guilty for setting boundaries or always find yourself agreeing with what others are saying at work?
If any or all of these were a yes – these are signs you could be a people pleaser at work. Always saying yes to more things on your plate than focusing on your responsibilities and goals makes it much harder to stick to your long-term plans and find career success. According to a Harvard-trained psychologist, Debbie Sorenson, people-pleasing isn’t just dangerous for career-related burnout. Still, it can also lead to a complete erasure of your own mental health needs and professional goals.
Saying no to asks in the workplace is hard enough. When you always feel like you have to say yes to anything asked of you, it makes recovering from burnout that much. harder. In fact, it’s creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. It will turn your burnout into a cycle of chronic stress when you can’t identify, uphold, and enforce boundaries and are ultimately to take time off, leave, or are fired for poor job performance.
So, What Can You Do About It?
Know you aren’t alone. According to the American Psychological Association’s 2023 Workplace survey, 77% of workers reported experiencing work-related stress in the last month, and 57% went on to experience negative effects from workplace stress that can lead to burnout.
The survey also found that “many workers are not getting the breaks from this stress that they both need and want. Only about one-third (35%) reported that their employer offers a culture where breaks are encouraged. Only two-fifths (40%) reported that their employer offers a culture where time off is respected, and only 29% reported that their employer offers a culture where managers encourage employees to take care of their mental health.” If our corporate culture doesn’t open promote mental health awareness and create measures
Here are some strategies for advocating for yourself.
Think about how you want to spend your time versus how you are actually spending your time.
Think about your capacity and mental bandwidth for work-related matters, communication, and productivity expectations before you look at the list below.
Though all of these can be used at different times, it’s always hard to ask for help initially.
We often feel fear about losing our jobs, shame for not being able to “produce” like we once were, or could even struggle to believe taking care and time for our mental health is a luxury we can afford (or is even a basic working right).
Reach out to a licensed mental health professional - those in the US can search the type of insurance providers take on: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us. A quick Google Maps search can help identify a provider in your area.
There are many professionally certified life and burnout coaches you can engage to help with proactive management strategies to help you get the rest, energy, and recovery you need during this time. Look for those who focus on Sleep, Stress, and Burnout.
Identify some boundaries for yourself at work around your time, work hours, communication, and expectations around work product.
Technology can help you enforce boundaries if you feel guilty asking to reschedule meetings or trying to say no to extra requests for your time and focus. Use automated systems and settings to do expectation setting and boundary enforcement on your behalf and save yourself decision fatigue and the guilt for saying no.
Set up your Outlook or Google Calendar to note your working hours.
Set your automatic meeting time to speedy meetings (so you can grab 5-10 minutes between meetings for a bathroom or water break).
When you sit down for the day before you do anything - note in your schedule where you will take a 10-minute and 20-minute break and walk away from your desk, screen, or Slack.
Use an app like Clockwise that helps you automatically reprioritize and reschedule your day or week
Set your calendar info to private so you don’t feel like you have to always account for your time
Ask your manager for help with understanding from your co-workers around new expectations and boundaries (chances are if you’re feeling this, so are your teammates); they’ll probably be thankful to have an expectation-setting conversation around team culture or practices. Maybe they’ve also felt the strain as they manage their responsibilities and workload. Teach team members about “send later” timings on emails or create an auto-email responder that sets up expectations for when you are available for communication or to expect a response.
If you feel like you can’t get help for yourself from your manager, it’s time to seek out HR or a trusted mentor at your company.
You’re not a machine – so don’t think you can work or act like one.
Take personal or sick days, take a sabbatical, or take a medical leave of absence at work - in the US, you can use the FMLA act in the US (Family Medical Leave Act). Even with “unlimited vacation,” most of us never actually take the vacation we’re allotted because we feel we can’t, things would pile up too much, or we’d inconvenience too many people, or our job wouldn’t be there when coming back (and frankly, if that’s the case, it’s probably a company we shouldn’t be staying at anyways).
Seek support from friends, family, or professionals.
In psychology, there’s a term for wanting to talk it out during times of stress, called co-regulation. When someone with a dysregulated nervous system (in a state of stress or anxiety) connects with someone with a calm nervous system, that calm, centered person helps you bring your dysregulated system back into a balanced state of homeostasis. After you talk to someone, take the time to listen and process their observations. If you feel you can’t talk to someone in your life or don’t feel that mental health professionals are accessible or affordable, - there are many free mental health hotlines for various topics available in many countries.
You can check out Help.Org’s list of different hotlines by topic in many countries here – these are free resources in case health care or work-related care plans aren’t available to you.
Create an essential self-care routine that helps calm your nervous system and returns your stress response to homeostasis.
One of the hardest things I learned was how to be a healthy, productive adult. AKA “healthy adulting.” Things like getting a good amount of regular, restorative sleep meant going to bed at a consistent time that allowed for 7-8 hours of sleep. If I didn’t sleep well, my day was already behind before I even got out of bed. My energy wouldn’t be as high, my ability to handle the stresses of my job was low, and my decision-making wasn’t nearly as creative or decisive. On the days when I woke up tired instead of rested, I found myself struggling to write cohesive thoughts, replies, emails, and business documents.
As a leader, I was more judgmental than curious, and my brain fog from a concussion after an accident would reappear more often. My self-care routine included doing things for my mental health BEFORE I started work for the day. This had different strategies (depending on the day and need), including journaling, the Emotional Freedom Technique (aka EFT or Tapping), stretching while listening to a YouTube channel with a seasonal landscape set to soft instrumental music, or a long walk with my dog. This also required me to get up earlier and to do that. I needed to lock in my strategies and bedtime routines for good sleep.
At Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, there’s an office of wellbeing that promotes self-care through the use of somatic exercises
Find stress management techniques that work for you (and are not what you read in every self-help article)
You may have heard about the vagus nerve and polyvagal theory in the last few years. The Vagus nerve is the longest nerve in the entire human body. It begins in your brain, connects with all the major organs and bodily processes, and helps activate your parasympathetic nervous system (the body’s calming system).
A way of putting the Polyvagal Theory into practice is through somatic exercises that can ease stress and its impact on your nervous system. It’s tough to get out of your head and into your body when you’re living in a state of constant stress and/or chronic burnout. Instagram has an endless pool of knowledge and easy, short videos on these practices.
Here are some of my favorite coaches and practitioners to follow online (they share fantastic, free resources).
Johns Hopkins recommends ten exercises about how to put these concepts into everyday practice. Here are some exercises and videos I found useful for education and awareness in my practice to help clients in high-stress jobs or those working to recover from burnout.
Full Body Scan - Helps you achieve a calming sensation throughout your body (note: a body scan can be harder for someone with chronic pain, so you may choose to attempt a graded body scan).
Conscious Breathing - did you know breathwork can be both a stimulant and a calming practice?
Three-Dimensional Breathing
Somatic Exercises for anger - Having Temper Tantrums as an adult
10-minute stress meditation - a daily calming routine
10-minute Daily Vagus Nerve Activation for times of stress to bring your body back to a relaxed state
Reducing Anxiety using Neural Plasticity and vagus nerve exercises
Setting boundaries to manage work productivity levels and expectations.
Whether with your direct manager, your team, or those you collaborate with, you must set expectations for how you work, when you work, and what you’re responsible for. Don’t be the usual overachiever and volunteer to do anything outside the scope of your work. Cut back on organizational participation, such as ESGs or things outside your role's scope.
Stop doing anything that is not essential. You need to focus on rest, recovery, restoring resilience, and your mental health. Your goal is to get as much time as possible back to focus on restoring your energy, drive, excitement, and ability to participate fully in your life. These suggestions have worked for many others, from high-level executives at large public companies to early-career professionals or mid-career managers and entrepreneurs.
Figuring Out How To Say No Will Help You Get Ahead
Sorenson also says, “Don’t look at saying “no” as a reflection of your self-worth or capabilities. Instead, think of setting boundaries as you protecting your energy, goals and priorities so you can be a more effective employee.”
Saying yes repeatedly at work will often erode your focus, your productivity, and can start to reflect poorly on your performance reviews over time.
On average, it takes people 23-27 minutes to be able to re-focus after switching tasks, and people in the workplace are interrupted on average 31.6x per day and task switch thousands of times per day.
Saying yes increases the likelihood of not being able to focus on your own work and responsibilities, and you can often get deprioritized for what you’re saying yes to. If you’re constantly feeling out of time, overwhelmed, and overworked – look at how often you’re saying yes vs. saying no to additional work or responsibilities. A sneakier thing to look at is how frequently you volunteer to do something in a group setting or with your manager during a 1:1.
Remember: Breaking Free Takes Time
The journey from being a workplace people-pleaser to setting healthy boundaries isn't linear, and it won't happen overnight. The key is to start small - perhaps with one boundary around your time, one "no" to a non-essential task, or one self-care practice that helps regulate your nervous system. Each small step builds confidence and creates space for more intentional choices about how you spend your energy at work.
Research shows that continuous people-pleasing behavior at work impacts your current performance and can have long-lasting effects on your career trajectory and health. As someone who has navigated this path personally and helped numerous professionals through it, change is possible - and it starts with recognizing that prioritizing your well-being isn't selfish. It's essential.
You don't have to figure this out alone. Whether you're feeling the early signs of burnout or are deep in the recovery process, there are proven strategies and support systems available. As a certified burnout, stress, sleep, and recovery coach, I specialize in helping busy professionals create sustainable work practices that protect their energy while advancing their careers.
Ready to break free from the people-pleasing cycle and reclaim your time and energy? Visit www.2122coaching.com to learn how we can work together to develop personalized strategies for your situation.
Remember: Your worth isn't measured by how often you say "yes" or how much you take on for others. It's about showing up as your best self, setting healthy boundaries, and creating a sustainable approach to your career that honors both your ambitions and your well-being.
Let's work together to transform your relationship with work and reclaim your energy for what truly matters to you. Book a Free Clarity Call to understand your next steps HERE.